HEIDI MONTAG A HOOKER?

There's nothing wrong with sex for money. Housewives have been doing it forever. So what is wrong? What it does to your head, the psychological implications -- when it's not your husband or boyfriend.

And that's where Heidi comes in. This girl is AMBITIOUS. With Saturn as a focal planet (psychicbubble.com, lesson No. 2), she will use any resource to reach her goals. And with her limited resources, she's using her body. There are many ways plastic surgery can be abused. One can be addicted to it. And that is ultimately either a desire to have an edge on the rest of the population or an ingrained, nagging insecurity or the two combined.

Her other focal planet is Uranus, yes, I know most astrologers talk about Sun signs, but this is Xtrology. Uranus is always about defying societal norms -- you know, doing stuff that flies in the face of what people expect you to do. So check this off Heidi's list of things-to-do.

And, I think we have to at least mention Spencer Pratt here, a simple guy. No actual focal planets. This can translate into nice or not. Moon in Scorpio in it's detriment (meaning not a good placement and doesn't work well here, thepsychicbubble, lesson No. 3). We can make Mercury a focal planet using his nodes. If you remember, these guys lack warmth. The mutable quality (Virgo) gives him a lack of common sense and no depth whatsoever. Ummmm, what to do today? Should I go left or should I go right? Why don't I just talk about it (Mercury) and not do anything.

The future of these two? Spencer in is one of the worst progressions one can get. Progressed Saturn square Mars. That's ruination. Heidi is going to get a big surprise before the end of the year, progressed Sun square Mars. Enjoy it now. Your fifteen minutes are over. And your boobs look scary.

UPDATE:  Spencer Pratt has been kicked off "The Hills" for six weeks for threatening to kill a female producer.